A Death in the Family

467b0afa3836ac507b4344eeddb2b8dc--cemetery-angels-cemetery-statuesThese words bring to mind the loss of a dear parent or perhaps an ancient aunt or uncle, someone who will be missed but whose life was winding down.  But parents are not meant to outlive their children. This kind of death is such a shock to the system that there are no words to describe it, that hollowed out feeling, the shell-shocked numbness and confusion. The utter disbelief.


I know that feeling because on Saturday afternoon June 2, my son Marc, age 45, died of a massive heart attack in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I was in London, looking after my brother when I got the call.

Marc hated having his picture taken as he got older, so this is the best I can do, strange filter and all.

He was a happy, sociable outgoing boy whose life gradually moved into the shadows of mental illness. But in spite of all his battles with demons, he lived on his own terms, enjoyed shopping and dressing like a preppy fashion plate and  surrounded himself with items he considered luxurious, like crystal decanters, even though he did not drink, and a grandfather clock, although time meant little to him. No matter when I arrived  at his door, always unexpectedly because he could not tolerate a telephone in his apartment, he was up and impeccably dressed.

We used to go out for lunch in good restaurants, then less and less often as his tolerance for such places decreased. I wrote him little notes every week, often enclosing a treat of some sort. In lieu of lunches out, I began taking in prepared dinners we would share.

His death was sudden and quick, for which I am thankful. HIs absence is loud in my heart, his loss a hard, physical thing I had not experienced before. But I comfort myself knowing that at last he is at peace. The service on Wednesday was a private family affair. Donations in his memory can be made to CAMH.

Farewell, Punkerkins.


About Caro Soles

Writer in several genres, lover of dachshunds and opera, with some ballet thrown in for good measure. I founded the Bloody Words Mystery Conference, which ran for 14 years as well as the Bony Blithe Award for Canadian Light Mysteries, but that, too, has come to an end. My latest novel is The River District, a look at the seamy side of Merculian.
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9 Responses to A Death in the Family

  1. Sharing this now, Caro, with love in my heart for you and your family. Friends, a donation to CAMH will be deeply appreciated by both Caro and myself. Your friend, Donna Carrick


  2. Thomas Roche says:

    I’m so sorry for your loss. How shocking and painful. My sincere condolences.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Loren Rhoads says:

    May your memories bring you joy, Caro. I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. N. J. Lindquist says:

    So very sorry for your loss, Caro.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Krisztian lerchner says:

    My sincere condolences from Krisztian

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Denise pilgrim says:

    Hi Marc was someone I charished very much he was different like me, we met at a friend’s house & than attended Buchan junior high together, I was the lucky 1, Marc was a little older than me but he was always such a gentle man, I remember getting him to dance I felt like I was the luckiest girl ever. Marc cared but expressed it quietly, he showed it & was very gentle, we kept in contact until I was about 20 than I never heard from him, I would ask others we talked to about how he was thinking that maybe he didn’t want to talk to me & I wanted to give him his space. He was an amazing person &I have wonderful memories of spending time with him. Your raised a wonderful beautiful, amazing son. He is deeply missed. I love you Marc soles & I will miss you but never forget you always in my heart ♥

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Marie Reid says:

    Just now read your sad news about your brother. My heart goes out to you.
    Marie Reid, from Bloody Words days.


  8. Marie Reid says:

    Loss of your son the worst blow while caring for your ailing brother. Deepest sympathy. M. Reid.


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